Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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