Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
