I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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