If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why do cheetos always look like penises
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
soo... how was my night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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