I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
