..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
