Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
