I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize