We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
