so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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