I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
