You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just had sex on a roof
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
