just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
