My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
