There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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