I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
