You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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