our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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