it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize