and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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