Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
