I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
