Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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