I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
