a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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