I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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