I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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