There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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