Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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