Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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