That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
