Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize