So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
