yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
