I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize