it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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