The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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