well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
