Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
