She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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