Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
