They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
