somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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