Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
