How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
