This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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