you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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