We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
