Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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