he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have fence marks all over my body
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
