HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize