I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize