I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
