there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
