Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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