smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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