he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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