God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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