i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
