Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
