Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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