just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
