If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
