I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
