You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
