i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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