The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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