I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
