peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she looked like the before picture.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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