Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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