I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
