Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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