You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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