he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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