how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize