it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
